songs for cool girls (for murph)

1.) Denise- Fountains of Wayne
2.) Gogo- Dada
3.) Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots- The Flaming Lips
4.) The Perfect Girl- The Cure
5.) She's So Strange- Travis
6.) Femme Fatale- The Velvet Underground & Nico
7.) Annie Mae- John Lee Hooker
8.) Killer Queen- Queen
9.) I Want You (She's So Heavy)- The Beatles
10.) Tiny Dancer- Elton John
11.) Kate- Ben Folds Five
12.) Ramona- Guster
13.) She's Electric- Oasis
14.) Uptown Girl- Billy Joel
15.) Since U Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson
16.) Her Majesty- The Beatles

Playlist for Waiting for the Mail to Come

1.) Anticipation- Carly Simon
2.) Please Mr. Postman- The Marvelettes
3.) Waiting on the World to Change- John Mayer
4.) You Can’t Hurry Love- The Supremes
5.) Oh Mr. Postman- B*Witched
6.) Unchained Melody- Righteous Brothers
7.) Eyes of a Giant- The Brew
8.) Waiting in Vain- Bob Marley

rejection fuels my anxiety
and i am hooked.

i drive through my hometown, trying to stare as straight ahead as possible; trying to keep my head as straight as possible. nostalgia is nagging at me. here is where i kissed my first boy, broke my first limb, and went through puberty. i spent 12 years learning in this school system.

westfield has become a ghost town for me. an empty shell which used to house and hold all of loves of my life. everyone has scattered now, including me. i knew none of us would end up here, but i didn't picture we'd all end up so far apart. 

the truth is, whenever i've tried to imagine my future, it's all too fuzzy; a channel that doesn't quite come in. i try to imagine myself having aged 10 or 20 years. i can't. will i still change my hair so frequently long after vanity has grown tired? will there be someone to share my life with? will i be a mother; will i have to get a mom haircut and a minivan? will i live somewhere like westfield, somewhere where my offspring will eventually and ultimately get as far away from as they can stand? (for me it wasn't so far.)

i haven't figured out where i feel the most "right" yet. but i truly believe i will find it.

and i find my own faith inspiring.